You Need to Stop Celebrating Men Who Do Household Chores
Have you ever told a man, “You are so lucky your wife cooks for you!”?
To be treated as equal with respect is not a favor but the right of a woman, which she should demand rather than being thankful for it. — Shethepeople
Whenever I tell any of my friends/relatives that my husband and I share household chores, I always get the responses of the type:
— “Oh! You are so lucky to have a husband who cooks!”
— Or, “Your husband is doing the laundry? Wow! You are so lucky!”.
And other statements with the same tone or message.
My mother was a working woman too. And I have never seen anyone telling my dad, “Oh you are so lucky your wife cooks!”. Coming from India, this thought always mind-boggled me. Why was it automatically assumed that my mother would cook, irrespective of whether she is working or not? Did she not have her own choice?
Even if the current generation is changing, the older generation (especially in second world countries like India) still finds it difficult to accept the changes themselves.
They still assume that irrespective of whether a woman works equally as a man or not, the responsibility of home and children still falls on the wife. She expected to keep the house clean, do the laundry, take care of her children, cook for the husband and family, all the while, a man could just come home and rest. Furthermore, if she does get “help” from her husband, she is considered lucky!
Celebrate people for the things they do, but don’t make a big deal out of someone doing house chores just because they’re a man when you wouldn’t give that same recognition to a woman
Unpaid Labour in Women
While women are taught all the necessary life skills from childhood, men are still raised with the mentality that all the household work needs to be done by women in the house. They are raised, to think that household chores are not their priority at all.
I completely agree that times are changing, and women have started going to work, and in recent times are also getting paid equally as men (not in all industries). But while men have very generously got used to seeing women at the workplace, there is still no equal division of work at home.
Today we are living in a society where a woman can go to work. But she must take care of the house too. Home should be her primary concern, and if at all she has time, she can use her talent outside.
What people do not understand is, it leads to is a lot of unpaid labor, increased stress in women, which thus affects relationships too. Whereas a man works for 40 hours a week, a woman ends up working for approximately 60–70 hours a week.
According to data from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, women in India spend an average of almost six hours a day doing household work, at least 40% more than women in China or South Africa, and almost six times as much as Indian men.
I am sure similar conditions would be happening, all around the world, especially in second and third world countries. Hence, in most developing nations, women’s massive contribution to various housework-based work goes unrecognized in real economic terms.
The unnecessary glorification of a man must be stopped.
When a man “helps” his spouse around the house, he is praised for going that extra mile for doing the house chores. No one is telling him that all responsibilities, should be divided between the couple. Be it monetary or physical activities required in the house.
No one tells him that he is not helping around. He is just doing his job, which he was supposed to do all these years, but never did.
Simply put, men return home from the office and head straight to the couch. Women return from the office and head straight to the kitchen — Scoopwhoop India.
We even see it in the media and advertisements. Be it washing liquids, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, or any household related products, it is the women who are shown to be doing such chores. Not men. When the man does the laundry or cleaning, the woman looks at him lovingly, for giving her a “break”.
I recently watched an advertisement where men were letting women take Sundays off. The whole ad showed men “recognizing” the hard work that women put in at home, doing laundry, dishes, and everything. So they decide to “bestow” women’s freedom from doing chores on Sundays (#SundayIsHerHoliday).
What about the other days of the week? When you are coming back from the office and just sitting on the sofa while she goes into the kitchen to prepare food for you and do all the household chores. Where is gender equality in this? What is the point of you recognizing her hard work when you are not able to take your tasks off her shoulders and own up?
Again let me make it clear that by this, I do not mean you should not thank someone or appreciate them for helping you out. But, thanking someone for helping you with a chore is different from thanking them for doing cleaning up after themselves, because they are men.
Because celebrating them insinuates that men do not need to do anything at home. And it gives wrong values to young boys and the next generation, which should be stopped. It’s something like, “I technically do not have to clean up. But because I am a good son, I should help out my mom in her tasks.”
Why do so many men lack the basic life skills that any adult should know? How is it that they have been able to get away with it for so long? Why are they lacking in empathy for their chronically overworked partners? After all, for every six hours of domestic chores performed by a woman in India, a man does just one. And why do so many educated, seemingly empowered women simply accept men’s convenient lack of ‘ability’, except for the occasional outburst? — Huffington Post
Summary
It is high time that men are taught the same survival necessities taught to women from childhood. That men too realize that housework is not easy, nor is it the woman’s responsibility. The change will not happen overnight. But consistent efforts to change the mentality would help.
As a society, we have always been conditioned to put activities around us in boxes. Men are supposed to do a specific set of activities like going to work, and women are supposed to perform another specific set like taking care of the family. The time has come for these boxes to be broken because fundamentally, the problem lies with them.
Women too should not be forced to set such high standards for themselves, and should not feel compelled to do all the household chores. Because what it leads to is, one partner, getting unnecessarily overworked. This should not happen.
We need to start questioning ourselves regarding the stereotypes and the biases that are imbibed inside us. The next time you catch yourself thanking someone for being a basic, decent human being, ask yourself about your standards. Look inwards — the answer will be there.
