The Tragic Side of COVID-19 That’s Not Been Measured: Ambiguous Loss
Perhaps the worst thing about losing loved ones to COVID-19 is not being able to say a proper goodbye. We’re wired to do so — and thoughtful COVID-19 policies prevent this.
Throughout much of human existence, life sucked, and then you died. Worse yet, you died young, usually. Even two centuries ago, most people in Western Europe who were lucky enough to make it through infancy could expect to die in their early to mid-40s. Disease and malnutrition were so rampant that making it to 70 was a small miracle. But in the modern world of improved nutrition, sanitation, and medication, people in wealthy nations who only make it to 70 are perceived as dying young.
According to developmental psychologist Laura Carstensen, senior citizens in wealthy nations have responded to this recent gift of extended life in some interesting ways. The most important way is that more than people of any other age, senior citizens value and nurture close, established relationships. When we have limited time left in this life, we wish to spend it with those we love. This is the gist of socioemotional selectivity theory, and it applies to people of any age who believe that their time in this world is limited.
