The Bisexual History They Don’t Want You to Know
As a nonbinary bisexual, I’m no stranger to people erasing me and telling me that I’m something I’m not. Many people unfamiliar with the true nature of bisexuality now think that it’s transphobic or otherwise binary — some go so far as to claim bisexuals only believe in two genders.
People assert that, while bisexuality allegedly means “attraction to two genders,” pansexuality and omnisexuality, unlike bisexuality, denote “attraction to all genders.” It’s easy to think this way if only examining the terms at face value, but this comparison is fallacious. The “bi” in “bisexual” doesn’t inherently refer to “two” genders, but rather “similar and different” genders, just like the “homo” in “homosexual” doesn’t mean “attraction to wo/men” but simply “attraction to the same gender.”
Bisexuals have described our orientation as attraction regardless of gender¹ for at least fifty years or so — and we still do. A number of bisexual activists and organizations have historically allied with transgender and nonbinary people, and bisexual critiques of the gender binary go back decades before words like “nonbinary” even entered our gender lexicon.
Below are just a few examples of the hidden secret of our gender-expansiveness and going beyond binaries.
Note: Sources without links can be downloaded for free from ZLibrary, borrowed from the Open Library, or found wherever you purchase or borrow physical books. Including a quote here does not equal my full approval of what was said. Keep in mind the times during which they were recorded, as well as my footnotes. Quotes are sorted by the year they were published regardless of the events mentioned in said quotes (e.g., a quote from a 2010s article that mentions something from the 80s will be in the 2010s section rather than the 1980s section).1970s
“As one who views herself as a feminist bisexual woman… I must challenge yet a third aspect of sexism which has not yet been challenged, at least not on a large scale. I call this aspect two-genderism, a rather clumsy term upon which I hope someone will improve. […] Literature which insists that there are only women and men is conspiring unconsciously with sexist forces to crush those in between. […] My main feeling is that I want to love human beings; sex and gender should not be determining factors.”
— Margo, “Beyond Two-Genderism: Notes of a Radical Transsexual,” The Second Wave: A Magazine of the New Feminism (1972)
“John Wojtowicz, a former bank teller [and self-identified bisexual], was sentenced today to [a] 20‐year prison term for the armed robbery of a Brooklyn bank — a holdup that he said he had committed to obtain money for a sex‐change operation for his [transsexual] ‘wife.’”
— “Robber Sentenced In a Holdup to Pay ‘Sex Change’,” The New York Times (1973)²
“…the very wealth and humanity of bisexuality itself: for to exclude from one’s love any entire group of human beings because of class, age, or race or religion, or sex, is surely to be poorer — deeply and systematically poorer.”
— Kate Millet (1974)
“It’s easier, I believe, for exclusive heterosexuals to tolerate (and that’s the word) exclusive homosexuals than [bisexuals] who, rejecting exclusivity, sleep with people not genders…”
— Martin Duberman (1974)
“Margaret Mead in her Redbook magazine column wrote an article titled ‘Bisexuality: What’s It All About?’ in which she cited examples of bisexuality from the distant past as well as recent times, commenting that writers, artists, and musicians especially ‘cultivated bisexuality out of a delight with personality, regardless of race or class or sex.’”
— Janet Bode, “From Myth to Maturation,” View From Another Closet: Exploring Bisexuality in Women (1976)
“Being bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender.”
— Janet Bode, “The Pressure Cooker,” View From Another Closet (1976)
“The Bisexual Center is united in struggling for the rights of all women and men to develop as whole, androgynous beings.”
— Bisexual Center Philosophy and Objectives Statement (1977)
“A sex-change night club queen has claimed she had a bizarre love affair with rock superstar David Bowie. Drag artiste Ronny Haag said she lived with the bisexual singer while he was making his new film, “Just a Gigolo,” in Berlin. […] Ronny says: ‘I am a real woman.’”
— Kenelm Jenour, “I Was Bowie’s She-Man!”, Daily Mirror (1978)²
“[John] reacted emotionally to both sexes with equal intensity. ‘I love people, regardless of their gender,’ he told me.”
— Charlotte Wolff, “Early Influences,” Bisexuality, a Study (1979)
1980s
“On Saturday, February 9, San Francisco’s Bisexual Center will conduct a Gender/Sexuality Workshop. ‘We will explore the interrelationships of gender feelings and sexual preference… We will discuss sexuality and whether we choose to play out the gender role assigned to us by society or whether we can shift to attitudes supposedly held by the opposite gender, if those feel good to us. We will deal with the issue of the TV/TS [transvestite/transsexual] in transition and how sexuality evolves as gender role changes. We will attempt to present a summary of the fragmented and confusing information on gender and sexuality.’”
— The Gateway (1980)
“Bisexuality, however, is a valid sexual experience. While many gays have experienced bisexuality as a stage in reaching their present identity, this should not invalidate the experience of people for whom sexual & affectional desire is not limited by gender. For in fact many bisexuals experience lesbianism or homosexuality as a stage in reaching their sexual identification.”
— Megan Morrison, “What We Are Doing,” Bi Women (1984)
“In the midst of whatever hardships we [bisexuals] had encountered, this day we worked with each other to preserve our gift of loving people for who they are regardless of gender.”
— Elissa M., “Bi Conference,” Bi Women (1985)
“I believe that people fall in love with individuals, not with a sex… I believe most of us will end up acknowledging that we love certain people or, perhaps, certain kinds of people, and that gender need not be a significant category, though for some of us it may be.”
— Ruth Hubbard, “There Is No ‘Natural’ Human Sexuality, Bi Women (1986)
“I am bisexual because I am drawn to particular people regardless of gender. It doesn’t make me wishy-washy, confused, untrustworthy, or more sexually liberated. It makes me a bisexual.”
— Lani Ka’ahumanu, “The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?” (1987)
“To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender.”
— Off Pink Publishing, “Introduction,” Bisexual Lives (1988)
“We enjoy the freedom to be ourselves and to be attracted without qualms to both women and men; that is people for themselves, regardless of their sex. We enjoy the freedom to cross gender boundaries, to get closer to any person and explore the possibilities of relationships.”
— Off Pink Publishing, “Being Bisexual: Towards a Definition,” Bisexual Lives (1988)
“…I feel there are some indications here as to why people can feel both or alternatively male or female and experiment with bisexuality. I think it would be fair to say that bisexuals vary in their reasons for or attraction towards bisexuality, and that a sizeable portion feel somewhat put out by being apparently confined to one sexual identity without the opportunity to experience both ends of the spectrum — as both males and females — at which point bisexuality dovetails near enough to transsexuality.”
— Vee van Dam, “A Transsexual View,” Bisexual Lives (1988)
“We made signs and slashes. My favorite read, ‘When it’s love in all its splendor, it doesn’t matter what the gender.’”
— Beth Reba Weise, “Being There and Being Bi: The National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights,” Bi Women (1988)
1990s
“…bisexual usually also implies that relations with gender minorities are possible.”
— Thomas Geller, Bisexuality: a Reader and Sourcebook (1990)³
“Many objections have been raised to the use of [‘bisexual’], the most common being that it emphasizes two things that, paradoxically, bisexuals are the least likely to be involved with: the dualistic separation of male and female in society, and the physical implications of the suffix ‘-sexual’.”
— Thomas Geller, Bisexuality: a Reader and Sourcebook (1990)
“Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have ‘two’ sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.”
— The Anything That Moves Manifesto (1990)
“Bisexuality works to subvert the gender system and everything it upholds because it is not based on gender… Bisexuality subverts gender; bisexual liberation also depends on the subversion of gender categories.”
— Karin Baker and Helen Harrison, “Letters,” Bi Women (1990)
“I myself recently received a party invitation that read ‘for men, women, and others.’ What your mother probably never told you is that not everyone is 100% female or 100% male. Many of us may have two or more personas or parts of our personalities that transcend traditional gender constraints and roles — not phony ones to please our parents and bosses — but roles of self-expression, self-exploration, and fun.”
— “What Your Mother Never Told You…” Anything That Moves №2 (1991)
“I tell them, whether or not I use the word ‘bisexual,’ that I am proud of being able to express my feelings toward a person, regardless of gender, in whatever way I desire.”
— Naomi Tucker, “What’s in a Name?”, Bi Any Other Name (1991)⁴
“Some women who call themselves ‘bisexual’ insist that the gender of their lover is irrelevant to them, that they do not choose lovers on the basis of gender.”
— Marilyn Murphy, “Thinking About Bisexuality,” Bi Women (1991)
“We propose an alternative model which places homosexuality and heterosexuality at one end of a continuum as gender-linked choices of sexual partner, and bisexuality at the other as nongender-specific… Results supported the hypothesis that gender is not a critical variable in sexual attraction in bisexual individuals. Personality or physical dimensions not related to gender and interaction style were the salient characteristics on which preferred sexual partners were chosen, and there was minimal grid distance between preferred male and preferred female partners. These data support the argument that, for some bisexual individuals, sexual attraction is not gender-linked.”
— M W Ross, J P Paul, “Beyond Gender: The Basis of Sexual Attraction in Bisexual Men and Women” (1992)
“[S]ome bisexuals say they are blind to the gender of their potential lovers and that they love people as people… For the first group, a dichotomy of genders between which to choose doesn’t seem to exist[.]”
— Kathleen Bennett, “Feminist Bisexuality, a Both/And Option for an Either/Or World,” Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism (1992)
“The expressed desires of [female bisexual] respondents differed in many cases from their experience. 37 respondents preferred women as sexual partners; 9 preferred men. 21 women had no preference, and 35 said they preferred sex with particular individuals, regardless of gender.”
— Sue George, “Living as bisexual,” Women and Bisexuality (1993)
“Who is this group for exactly? Anyone who identifies as bisexual or thinks they are attracted to or interested in all genders… This newly formed [support] group is to create a supportive, safe environment for people who are questioning their sexual orientation and think they may be bisexual.”
— “Coming Out as Bisexual,” Bi Women (1994)
“Ehrlich says some of his partners don’t understand this, which leads to problems of trust or jealousy. ‘[They’ll say], ‘How can you be sure you desire me when I’m only one gender?’’ he says. But this is not the point. ‘I don’t desire a gender, I desire a person.’”
— Newsweek Staff, “Bisexuality,” Newsweek (1995)
“It is logical and necessary for bisexuals to recognize the importance of gender politics — not just because transsexuals, cross-dressers, and other transgender people are often assumed to be bisexual…
[…] If bisexuality says that gender is not a determining factor of sexual preference, we can take our knowledge one step further to say that gender should not be a determining factor of oppression. Then what we have is a new language and perspective with which to talk about sexism, gender bias in our institutions, the gendered structure of our society: a new feminist force calling for an end to dichotomies. It is a natural progression to then say gender need not be such a rigid social construct. After all, if our sexual identity can be fluid, why not our gender identity?
[…] I have talked to the bisexual practicers of pre-op transsexuals who feel they have the best of both worlds because their lover embodies woman and man together.² Is that not a connection between bisexuality and transgenderism? […] We may be freer to experiment with or cross traditional gender lines in fantasy and sex play… We teach genderfuck when we talk about our lives without gendered pronouns, bulldozing people’s assumptions about sexuality and gender.
Some of us are bisexual because we do not pay much attention to the gender of our attractions; some of us are bisexual because we do see tremendous gender differences and want to experience them all. […] With respect to our integrity as bisexuals, it is our responsibility to include transgendered people in our language, in our communities, in our politics, and in our lives.”
— Naomi Tucker, “The Natural Next Step,” Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions (1995)
“The first wave of people who started the Bi Center were political radicals and highly motivated people. The group was based on inclusivity… for example, in the women’s groups, anybody who identified as a woman had the right to be there, so a lot of transgender people started coming to the Bi Center.”
— Naomi Tucker, “Bay Area Bisexual History: An Interview with David Lourea,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“[B]isexual consciousness, because of its amorphous quality and inclusionary nature, posed a fundamental threat to the dualistic and exclusionary thought patterns which were — and still are — tenaciously held by both the gay liberation leadership and its enemies.”
— Stephen Donaldson, “The Bisexual Movement’s Beginnings in the 70s,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“And all the while, busy bisexuals are having sex: with women, with men, with partners whose gender is unclear, fluid, or mixed… […] And there are some bisexuals who do prefer hermaphrodites, or would if we could find them — there is a distinct subset of the bi community which experiences bisexuality as a lived protest against gender categories, whose members appreciate cross-gendered and genderbending partners not only for fine gender-neutral qualities but precisely because with them we can have ‘maleness’ and ‘femaleness’ in the same person.
Certainly the bi community has its share of people who ourselves play with gender-erotics: crossdressers, people with an other-sex persona or two, those who, through hormones, have become physically transgendered, and transsexuals who, through surgery, come to embody the other sex. The gender players tend to see gender roles and identities as fluid vs. immutable, transgressable through sexual play even if oppressive in daily life.”
— Carol Queen, “Sexual Diversity and Bisexual Identity,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“Many bisexuals minimize the emphasis on sex and gender, and bisexual spaces may be more welcoming to people of nontraditional, indeterminate, or uncertain gender identity than are strictly heterosexual or strictly homosexual spaces (which are often segregated by sex)… [transgender people] may feel more comfortable in a bi community in which attraction to all sexes and genders is accepted.”
— Liz A. Highleyman, “Identity and Ideas: Strategies for Bisexuals,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“If anything, being bi has made me hyper-aware of the sexual differences between [men and women]. And I still get hot for both. But I do experience something that is similar to gender blindness. It’s this: being bisexual means I could potentially find myself sexually attracted to anybody.”
— Greta Christina, “Bi Sexuality,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“[A]nd too / I am bisexual / in my history / in my capacity / in my fantasies / in my abilities / in my love for beautiful people / regardless of gender.”
— Dajenya, “Bisexual Lesbian,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“The bisexual community should be a place where lines are erased. Bisexuality dismisses, disproves, and defies dichotomies. It connotes a loss of rigidity and absolutes. It is an inclusive term. […] Despite how we choose to identify ourselves, the bisexual community still seems a logical place for transsexuals to find a home and a voice. Bisexuals need to educate themselves on transgender issues. At the same time, bisexuals should be doing education and outreach to the transsexual community, offering transsexuals an arena to further explore their sexualities and choices. Such outreach would also help break down gender barriers and misconceptions within the bisexual community itself. […] If the bisexual community turns its back on transsexuals, it is essentially turning its back on itself.”
— K. Martin-Damon, “Essay for the Inclusion of Transsexuals,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“As bisexuals, we are necessarily prompted to come up with non-binary ways of thinking about sexual orientation. For many of us, this has also prompted a move toward non-binary ways of thinking about sex and gender.”
— Rebecca Kaplan, “Your Fence Is Sitting on Me: The Hazards of Binary Thinking,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“And so we love each other and wish love for each other, regardless (to the extent possible) of gender and sex.”
— Oma Izakson, “If Half of You Dodges a Bullet, All of You Ends Up Dead,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“Similarly, the modern bisexual movement has dissolved the strict dichotomy between ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ (without invalidating our homosexual or heterosexual friends and lovers.) We have insisted on our desire and freedom to love people of all genders.”
— Sunfrog, “Pansies Against Patriarchy,” Bisexual Politics (1995)
“In the bisexual movement as a whole, transgendered individuals are celebrated not only as an aspect of the diversity of the bisexual community, but because, like bisexuals, they do not fit neatly into dichotomous categories. Jim Frazin wrote that ‘the construction and destruction of gender’ is a subject of mutual interest to bisexuals and transsexuals who are, therefore, natural allies.”
— Paula C. Rust, Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics: Sex, Loyalty, and Revolution (1995)
“Is bisexuality even about gender at all? ‘I don’t desire a gender,’ 25[-]year-old Matthew Ehrlich says.”
— Deborah Block-Schwenk, “Newsweek Comes Out as Supportive,” Bi Women (1995)
“One woman expressed the desire to elide categorical differences by reporting that she finds ‘relationships with men and women to be quite similar — the differences are in the individuals, not in their sex.’ Others expressed their ideal as choosing partners ‘regardless of gender…’”
— Amber Ault, Ambiguous Identity in an Unambiguous Sex/Gender Structure: The Case of Bisexual Women (1996)
“Most conceptual models of bisexuality explain it in terms of conflictual or confused identity development, [r-slur] sexual development, or a defence against ‘true’ heterosexuality or homosexuality. It has been suggested, however, that some individuals can eroticize more than one love object regardless of gender, that sexual patterns could be more variable and fluid than theoretical notions tend to allow, and that sexual desire may not be as fixed and static in individuals as is assumed by ‘essential’ sexual categories and identities.”
— E.Antonio de Moya and Rafael García, “AIDS and the Enigma of Bisexuality in the Dominican Republic,” Bisexualities and AIDS: International Perspectives (1996)
“I see bisexuality as power. When I write I have no gender. It is difficult for me to see the characters in terms of gender… I find androgyny extremely compelling. It’s very hard for me to remember that I am a woman and that the word ‘woman’ means very special things to people. I move through the world with the attitude and speed of an androgynous person.”
— Anne Rice, “Submit to Anne,” Salon (1996)
“I’m bi. That simply means I can be attracted to a person without consideration of their gender.”
— E. Grace Noonan, “Out on the Job: DEC Open to Bi Concerns,” Bi Women (1996)
“BiCon should accept transgender people as being of their chosen gender, this includes any single[-]gender events.”
— BiCon Guidelines (1998)⁵
“I’m a 31-year-old, non-monogamous (though not into group sex), bisexual (no gender preference for partner) female living in Asheville, NC.”
— “Letters: Cyber, Snail, and Psychic,” Anything That Moves №16 (1998)
“Bisexuals and trans folks have not only been making friends with each other — sometimes they’re the same people. We’re looking for bi and trans perspectives on similarities and differences between our communities. How are we helping each other? Where do we overlap? Where have we missed the boat? Are we hurting each other? And what can we teach one another?”
— Anything That Moves №16 (1998)
“The probability is that your relationship is based on, or has nestled itself into something based more on the relationship between two identities than on the relationship between two people. That’s what we’re taught: man/man, woman/woman, woman/man, top/bottom, butch/femme, man/woman/man, etc. We’re never taught person/person. That’s what the bisexual movement has been trying to teach us. We’re never taught that, so we fall into the trap of ‘you don’t love me, you love my identity.’”
— Kate Bornstein, My Gender Workbook (1998)
“Transsexuality and bisexuality both occupy heretical thresholds of human experience. We confound, illuminate and explore border regions. We challenge because we appear to break inviolable laws. Laws that feel ‘natural.’ And quite possibly, since we are not the norm or even average, it is likely that one function we have is to subvert those norms or laws; to break down the sleepy and unimaginative law of averages.”
— Max Wolf Valerio, “The Joker Is Wild: Changing Sex + Other Crimes of Passion,” Anything That Moves №17 (1998)
“[Conventional masculinity and femininity] isolates the many people who don’t fit into these categories, in particular, transgendered (and other) individuals who don’t want to identify as either male or female. […] From the earliest years of the bi community, significant numbers of TV/TS and transgender people have always been involved with it. The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established gay and lesbian communities.”
— Kevin Lano, “Bisexuality and Transgenderism,” Anything That Moves №17 (1998)
“A large group of bisexual women reported in a Ms. magazine article that when they fell in love it was with a person rather than a gender…”
— Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward, “What is Gay?”, Now that You Know: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children (1998)
“Over the past fifteen years, however, [one Caucasian man] has realized that he is ‘attracted to people — not their sexual identity’ and no longer cares whether his partners are male or female. He has kept his Bi identity and now uses it to refer to his attraction to people regardless of their gender.”
— Paula C. Rust, “Sexual Identity and Bisexual Identities,” Queer Studies: A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Anthology (1998)
“Bisexual — being emotionally and physically attracted to all genders.”
— The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, “Out of the Past: Teacher’s Guide” (1999)
2000s
“There were a lot of transvestites and transsexuals who came to [the San Francisco Bisexual Center in the 1970s], because they were not going to be turned away because of the way they dressed.”
— David Lourea, “Bisexual Histories in San Francisco in the 1970s and Early 1980s,” 2000 Journal of Bisexuality
“Respondent #658 said that both are irrelevant; ‘who I am sexually attracted to has nothing to do with their sex/gender,’ whereas Respondent #418 focuses specifically on the irrelevance of sex: I find myself attracted to either men or women. The outside appendages are rather immaterial, as it is the inner being I am attracted to. […] Respondent #495 recalled that ‘the best definition I’ve ever heard is someone who is attracted to people & gender/sex is not an issue or factor in that attraction.’ […] As Respondent #269 put it, ‘I do not exclude a person from consideration as a possible love interest on the basis of sex/gender.’ […] For most individuals who call themselves bisexual, bisexual identity reflects feelings of attraction, sexual and otherwise, toward women and men or toward other people regardless of their gender.”
— Paula C. Rust, “Two Many and Not Enough: The Meanings of Bisexual Identities,” 2000 Journal of Bisexuality
“Giovanni’s distinction between what he wants and who he wants resonates with the language of many of today’s bisexuals, who insist that they fall in love with a person, not a gender.”
— Marjorie Garber, Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life (2000)
“The message of bisexuality — that people are more than their gender; that we accept all people, regardless of Kinsey scale rating; that we embrace people regardless of age, weight, clothing, hair style, gender expression, race, religion and actually celebrate our diversity — that message is my gospel. I travel, write, do web sites — all to let people know that the bisexual community will accept you, will let you be who you are, and will not expect you to fit in a neat little gender/sexuality box.”
— Wendy Curry, “Celebrating Bisexuality,” Bi Women (2000)
“But really, just like I can’t believe in the heterosexist binary gender system, I have difficulty accepting wholeheartedly any one spiritual tradition.”
— Anonymous, “A Methodical Awakening,” Bi Women (2002)
“But there are also many bis, such as myself, for whom gender has no place in the list of things that attract them to a person. For instance, I like people who are good listeners, who understand me and have interests similar to mine, and I am attracted to people with a little padding here and there, who have fair skin and dark hair (although I’m pretty flexible when it comes to looks). ‘Male’ or ‘female’ are not anywhere to be found in the list of qualities I find attractive.”
— Karin Baker, “Bisexual Basics,” Solidarity-us.org (2002)
“Bisexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender (a person does not have to have a relationship to be bisexual!)”
— Bowling Green State University, “Queer Glossary” (2003)
“The bisexual community seems to be disappearing. Not that there won’t always be people around who like to have sex with people of all genders, the community, as I’ve discussed in this book, is a different matter altogether.”
— William Burleson, Bi America: Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community (2005)
“Although bisexuals in general may or may not be more enlightened about gender issues, there has been, and continues to be, in most places around the country a strong connection between the transgender and the bisexual communities. Indeed, the two communities have been strong allies. Why is this? One reason certainly is, as I mentioned earlier, the significant number of people who are both bisexual and transgender.”
— William Burleson, Bi America: Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community (2005)
“Amy: […] But my friend’s question got me thinking: given the fact that so many bisexual friends and community members reject the idea that gender has to have a relation to attraction and behavior, why should I reject the bi label? Why did her question even come up? How relevant is gender to the concept of bisexuality? If bisexuals like me don’t care about gender the way monosexuals do, why would my identity label exclude my lovers’ gender variations?
Kim: …Like you, I’m a bi person who sees gender as fluid rather than fixed or dichotomous… I’ve also felt outside pressure to reject my bi identity based on the idea that it perpetuates the gender binary: woman/man. However, this idea reduces bisexual to ‘bi’ and ‘sexual’ and disregards the fact that it represents a history, a community, a substantial body of writing, and the right of the bisexual community to define ‘bisexuality’ on its own terms. Most importantly, this idea disregards how vital these things are for countless bi people. Identifying as bi doesn’t inherently mean anything, and it definitely doesn’t mean a person only recognizes two genders. However, to assume that bi-identified people exclude transgender, gender nonconforming (GNC), and genderqueer people also assumes they are not trans, GNC, or genderqueer themselves, when in fact, many are.”
— Kim Westrick and Amy Andre, “Semantic Wars,” Bi Women (2009)
“The [intracommunity biphobia] problem is very serious, because bisexuals, along with trans folks, are the rejects among rejects, that is to say, those who suffer from discrimination (gays and lesbians) discriminate against bis and trans folks. It is for this reason, at least here in Mexico City, that Opción Bi allies itself with transsexuals, transgender people and transvestites, and works together with them whenever possible. It seems to me we are closer to the trans communities than to the lesbian and gay ones.”
— Robyn Ochs, “Bis Around the World: Myriam Brito, Mexican City,” Bi Women (2009)
“Bisexuality is not some kind of middle-ground between heterosexuality and homosexuality; rather I imagine it as a way to erode the fixed systems of gender and sexual identity which always result in guilt, fear, lies and discrimination.”
— Carlos Iván Suárez García, “What Is Bisexuality?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)⁶
“To me, bisexuality is a matter of loving and accepting everyone equally — seeing the beauty in the human soul, rather than in the shell that houses it. Being transgender, I know firsthand that love between two people can transcend — even embrace — what society regards as taboo. Bisexuality is a mindset of revolution, a mindset of change. We’re creating a brave new world of acceptance and love for all people, of all the myriad genders and methods of sexual expression that this world contains.
— Jessica, “What Is Bisexuality?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“Bisexuality (whatever that means) for me is about the ability to relate to all people at a deep emotional level. It is an openness of the heart. It is the absence of limits, especially those that are defined by the other person’s sex.”
— Andrea Toselli, “Coming Out Bisexual,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“Considering my personal preferences, calling myself ‘bisexual’ covers a wider territory regarding my capacity to fall in love and to share the life of a couple with another person without taking into consideration questions of gender.”
— Aida, “Why Bi?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“I’m sure I’m bisexual because I can’t ignore the allure and loveliness of a wide spectrum of people — differentiating by gender never seemed attractive or even logical to me. […] For me bisexuality means I don’t stop attraction, caring or relationship potential based on gender; I can have sex, flirtation or warm ongoing love with anyone (not everyone, okay? That part’s a myth). […] And we have enough trouble splitting the human race into two halves, assigning mandatory characteristics, and then torturing people to fill arbitrary roles — I consider that a wrong and inaccurate way to understand human potential, and that’s also why I’m bi. Men and women are different? Honey, everyone I’ve ever met has been different. I think being bisexual lets me see each person as an individual.”
— Carol Queen, “Why Bi?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“But to hell with respectability: the real point about being bisexual, a friend pointed out, is that you’re asking [something] other than ‘What sex is this person?’”
— Tom Robinson, “Bisexual Community,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“Being bisexual… allows us to love each other regardless of our gender…”
— Jorge Pérez Castiñeira, “Bisexual Community,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“‘Hello, my name is Jaqueline Applebee… if you want to see me later, or just want a kiss, let me know as I’m bisexual, and you’re all gorgeous!’ […] I have loved men, women, and those who don’t identify with any gender.”
— Jaqueline Applebee, “Bisexual Community,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“[T]here’s nothing binary about bisexuals. Bi is just a provisional term reminding us, however awkwardly, that when it comes to loving, family and tribe, margins and middle intertwine.”
— Loraine Hutchins, “Bisexual Politics,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
“My bi identity is not about who I am having sex with; it is not about the genitals of my past, current, or future lovers; it is not about choosing potential partners or excluding partners based on what is between their legs. It is about potential — the potential to love, to be attracted to, to be intimate with, share a life with a person because of who they are. I see a person, not a gender… I demand to be free to legally marry anyone without regard to their gender.”
— Rifka Reichler, “Bisexual Politics,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)
2010s
“To me, being bisexual means having a sexuality that isn’t limited by the sex or gender of the people you are attracted to. You just recognize that you can be attracted to a person for very individual reasons.”
— Deb Morley, “Bi of the Month: An Interview with Ellyn Ruthstorm,” Bi Women (2010)
“Q: Which gender person does a bisexual love? A: Any gender she wants.”
— Marcia Deihl, “Do Clothes Make the Woman?”, Bi Women (2010)
“While the bisexual manifesto being written following a workshop at London BiCon is still being worked on, the tweeters set to work on a shorter, snappier alternative… ‘Love is about what’s in your hearts, not your underwear.’ […] ‘We aren’t more confused, greedy, indecisive or lustful than anyone else. We like people based on personality not gender.’ ‘[W]e believe that lust is more important than anatomy.’ ‘What you have between your legs doesn’t matter. What you have between your ears does[.]’”
— Jen Yockney, “#bisexualmanifesto,” Bi Community News (2010)
“For a bisexual, it’s not about gender. That’s not the deciding factor for who they’re attracted to.”
— Anna Paquin, “Anna Paquin,” Zooey Magazine (2012)
“As briefly mentioned above and interlinked with the notion of ‘importance of individuality’, the binary concepts of gender and the stereotypes surrounding these is a notion which each of the [bisexual] women interviewed fundamentally reject. The participants here were keen to distance themselves and their experiences of romantic relationships from any notion of hetero-normative gender boundaries, although they did agree that unfortunately these gender boundaries still exist in contemporary society. Most participants do not link gender boundaries with concepts of romantic love; it was stated that although sometimes gender boundaries can be seen in romantic relationships this is primarily down to socialisation and the unnecessary importance that hetero-normative society places on gender roles. Therefore, gender boundaries seen in romantic relationships are not constrained by gender but instead are a product of gendered socialisation. For these women, claiming their bisexual identity and their romantic relationships illustrates the futility of binary concepts of gender as it is about individual preference or style rather than gendered norms values and expectations.”
— Emma Smith, “Bisexuality, Gender & Romantic Relationships,” Bi Community News (2012)
“I’m into all sorts of things, but a person being a man or a woman isn’t a turn-on. Certainly not in the same way it’s a turn off to a gay or straight person. I’m never going to think ‘Wow, Zie is really sexy, shame they’re a ____’ because what turns me off isn’t gender.”
— Marcus, “What makes a bisexual?”, Bi Community News (2012)
“Bisexuality was viewed as two different things: a sexual attraction to men and women and androgyny… Some bisexuals [in the 1970s] saw themselves as neither entirely male nor female, a new and different ‘breed’ of human.”
— Lawrence R. Samuel Ph.D., Bisexual Chic, Psychology Today (2013)
“I am bisexual. That does not depend on my dating experience or my attraction specifications. It is not affected by my dislike for genitals (of any shape). All it describes is how gender affects attraction for me: it doesn’t. I am attracted to people regardless of gender, and I am bisexual.”
— Emma Jones, “Not Like the Others,” Bi Women (2013)
“I’m generally okay with ‘attraction to more than one gender’ [as a definition of ‘bisexuality’]. I think that the ‘more than’ part is important because there are definitely more than two genders. Some people like the definition ‘attraction regardless of gender’ and I like that too because it suggests that things other than gender can be equally, or more, important in who we are attracted to. I like to question why our idea of sexuality is so bound up with gender of partners. Why not encompass other aspects such as the roles we like to take sexually, or how active or passive we like to be, or what practices we enjoy? Why is our gender, and the gender of our partners, seen as such a vital part of who we are?”
— Robyn Ochs, “Around the World: Meg Barker,” Bi Women (2013)
“It may sound crazy but I’d never thought that carefully about the ‘bi’ part of the word meaning ‘two’. I’d always understood bisexuality to mean what Bobbie Petford reports as the preferred definition from within the UK bi communities: changeable ‘sexual and emotional attraction to people of any sex, where gender may not be a defining factor’. […] Participants in the BiCon discussion rejected the ‘you are a boy or you are a girl… binary’ (Lanei), all arguing that they were not straightforwardly ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’.
[…] Because they discarded the dichotomous understanding of gender, participants rejected the ideas that they were attracted to ‘both’ men and women, arguing that they did not perceive gender as the defining feature in their attraction. Kim said: I don’t think actually gender is that relevant… gender is like eye colour, and I notice it sometimes, and sometimes it can be a bit of a feature it’s like ‘oo, that’s nice’ and I have some sorts of gender types, but it’s about as important as something like eye colour.
[…] As I came to realise that you can actually be bisexual…your desires and your attractions can wax and wane as time goes on, I realised that there was a parallel to gender: you don’t have to clearly define, you don’t have to cast off the male to be female and vice versa. Despite the fact that the conventional definition of the word ‘bisexual’ could be seen as perpetuating a dichotomous concept of gender, being attracted to both sexes, Georgina concluded that it could challenge conventional understandings of gender…”
— “Bisexuality & Gender,” Bi Community News (2014)
“Coming out as bisexual in the late 80s, when I first came across the label pansexual it didn’t involve any kind of gender nuance: it was how someone explained their bisexuality feeling interwoven with their Pagan beliefs. Back then the ‘bi’ in bisexual didn’t get talked about as having some great limiting weight of ‘two’, it was an ‘and’ in a world that saw things as strictly either/or. As I was pushing at boundaries of discussion around gender and sexuality with people in the 90s I’d sometimes quip that I was ‘bisexual, I just haven’t decided which two genders yet’. When I started to come across people saying that bi was limiting because it meant two, a bit of me did think: oh lord, were they taking me seriously?”
— Jen, “Bi or Pan?”, Bi Community News (2015)
“Pansexuality is sometimes defined as attraction to people of all genders, which is also the experience of many bisexual people. More often than not, however, people define their pansexuality in relation to bisexuality. In response to the question: ‘What does pansexual mean?’ I’ve seen countless people reply: ‘I’m attracted to people of more than two genders. Not bisexual.’ The implication is that bisexual means binary attraction: men and women only.
Since I came out in the late 90s, I haven’t seen one bi activist organisation define bisexuality as attraction solely to men and women. Bi and trans* issues began to grow in recognition at the same time. When I use ‘bi’ to refer to two types of attraction, I mean attraction to people of my gender and attraction to people of other genders. […] …it’s so upsetting to see internalised biphobia leading many pansexuals, many of whom until recently identified as bisexual, telling us we’re still not queer enough. Gay and straight people aren’t being pressurised into giving up the language they use to describe their attractions and neither should they be. As usual it’s only bisexuals being shamed into erasing our identities and our history.
The most frustrating thing to me about the current bi vs pan discourse is that it’s framed as a cisgender vs genderqueer debate. This has never been the case. In reality, many genderqueer people identify as bisexual… To say bisexuality is binary erases the identities of these revolutionary bisexual genderqueer activists, and it erases the identity of every marginalised genderqueer bisexual they’re fighting for.”
— Sali, “Bi or Pan?”, Bi Community News (2015)
“Currently some pansexual people argue that bi is ‘too binary’ and that bisexuals are focused on conventional male/female gender expressions only. This is then taken to mean that bisexuals are more transphobic, whereas pansexuals aren’t locked into a binary so they are open to all gender expressions. However we believe this is not the case since bisexuals: ‘… do not comply with our society’s imposed framework of attraction, we must consciously construct our own framework and examine how and why we are attracted (or not) to others. This process automatically acknowledges the artificiality of the gender binary and gendered norms and expectations for behavior. Indeed, the mere act of explaining our definition of bisexual to a nonbisexual person requires us to address the falsity of the gender binary head on.’
We do not deny that in actuality some bisexuals are too bound by traditional binary gender assumptions, just as many gay, lesbian, and heterosexual, and some trans people are too. Bisexuals, however, have been in the forefront of exploring desire and connection beyond sex and gender. When anyone accuses bisexuals, uniquely, as more binary and more transphobic than other identity groups, such targeting is not only inappropriate but is also rooted in biphobia — a fear and hatred of bi people for who we are and how we love.
Confusing the issue are the definitions in resource glossaries defining bisexual, most surprisingly in newly released books including textbooks. [...] These definitions arbitrarily define bisexual in a binary way and then present pansexual as a non-binary alternative. This opens the doorway to a judgment that pansexual identity is superior to bisexual identity because it ‘opens possibilities’ and is a ‘more fluid and much broader form of sexual orientation’. This judgmental conclusion is unacceptable and dangerous as it lends itself to perpetuating bisexual erasure. The actual lived non-binary history of the bisexual community and movement and the inclusive nature and community spirit of bisexuals are eradicated when a binary interpretation of our name for ourselves is arbitrarily assumed.”
— Lani Ka’ahumanu and Loraine Hutchins, “Bi Organizing Since 1991,” Bi Any Other Name (New 25th Anniversary Edition) (2015)
“Herself a bisexual woman, [Nan Goldin] found that drag queens, to her a third gender, were perfect companions. By transgressing the bounds of the binary, they had created identities that were infinitely more meaningful.”
— Alicia Diane Ridout, “Gender Euphoria: Photography, Fashion, and Gender Nonconformity in The East Village” (2015)
“It is the job of those of us with links to children to continue to promote the language of bisexuality and validity of attraction to all genders — especially when that attraction changes over time.”
— Bethan, “Practical Bi Awareness: Teaching and LGBT,” Bi Community News (2016)
“The persistent use of the Kinsey Scale is another issue. Originally asking about the genders of people you have had sex with, more recently it gets deployed in more sophisticated ways which distinguish between sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and sexual activity. Nonetheless it is woefully inadequate in accounting for attraction to genders other than male and female — a key part of many bisexual people’s experience.”
— Milena Popova, “Scrap the Kinsey Scale!”, Bi Community News (2016)
“Robyn Ochs states where the EuroBiCon also stands for: bisexuality goes beyond the binary gender thinking. There are more genders than the obsolete idea of two: male and female.”
— Erwin, “Robyn Ochs: ‘Bisexuality goes beyond the binary gender thinking’,” European Bisexual Conference (2016)
“I call myself bisexual because it includes attraction to all genders (same as mine; different from mine).”
— Rev. Francesca Bongiorno Fortunato, “Label Me With a B,” Bi Women Quarterly (2016)
“Loving a person rather than a man or a woman: this is Runa Wehrli’s philosophy. At 18, she defines herself as bisexual and speaks about it openly. […] She believes that love should not be confined by the barriers put up by society. ‘I fall in love with a person and not a gender,’ she says. […] Now single and just out of high school, she is leaving the door open to love, while still refusing to give it a gender.”
— Katy Romy, “‘I fall in love with a person and not a gender’,” Swissinfo (2017)
“Scholars of gender and sexuality describe bisexuality as ‘a concept with the potential to revolutionise Western culture’s understanding of sex, gender, and sexual orientation’ due to its ‘destabilisation of categories.’ For instance, Hartman notes that the practice of bisexuality appears to refuse binary classification, stating, ‘while it is often difficult to survive in a binary system when one refuses to choose, there is agency in not forcing oneself into category.’ Pallotta-Chiarolli and Lubowitz mention that for bisexually-identified individuals, sexualised and gendered identities are ‘not fixed and dichotomous, but rather fluid, transitory, fragmented [and] episodic.’ Of course, bisexuality does not necessarily escape the limitations of other categories of sexual orientation — including heterosexuality and homosexuality — and remains vulnerable to the potential neglect of contextual and temporal aspects of sexual attraction. However, most studies concerned with the accounts of bisexual participants share a common understanding of bisexuality as transgressive of gender and sexuality binaries.”
— Ingrid Lynch and David Maree, “Gender outlaws or a slow bending of norms? South African bisexual women’s treatment of gender binaries,” Feminist Theory (2017)
“I’m bisexual so I can’t really come out as gay. When I’m gay I’m very gay. And when I’m with men then, you know, I’m with men. I don’t fall in love with people because of their gender.”
— Nan Goldin for Sleek Magazine (2017)
“I use the word bisexual — a lot / I’ve marched in the Pride parade with the Toronto Bisexual Network / I post Bi pride & Bi awareness articles all over social media / I’m seeking out dates of any and all genders / (not to prove anything to anyone, but simply because I want to)”
— D’Arcy L. J. White, “Coming Out as Bisexual,” Bi Women Quarterly (2017)
“BISEXUAL — Someone who is attracted to more than one gender, someone who is attracted to two or more genders, someone who is attracted to the same and other genders, or someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender.”
— Morgan Lev Edward Holleb, The A-Z of Gender and Sexuality: From Ace to Ze (2018)
“In the heat of July [2009], and finally equipped with a word for ‘attracted to people regardless of gender’, I bounded out of Brighton station with that same best friend. At the time, I didn’t know that we bisexuals have our own flag…”
— Lois Shearing, “Why London Pride’s first bi pride float was so important,” The Queerness (2018)
“Being bisexual does not assume people are only attracted to just two genders. Bisexuality can be limitless for many and pay no regard to the sex or gender of a person.”
— “The Bi+ Manifesto” (2018)
“I realized I was bisexual at age fifteen, but although I am attracted to folks of any gender, I’ve always had a preference for men.”
— Mark Mulligan, “Fight and Flight: ‘Butch Flight,’ Trans Men, and the Elusive Question of Authenticity,” Nursing Clio (2018)
“Bisexuality just became, to me, about that openness — that openness to anything, and any potential to any type of relationship, regardless of gender. Gender is no longer a disqualifier for me. It’s about the person.”
— Rob Cohen, “Where Are All the Bi Guys?,” Two Bi Guys (2019)
“Oh no, Mom. I’m not a lesbian. Actually, I’m bisexual. That means that gender doesn’t determine whom I’m attracted to.”
— Annie Bliss, “Older and Younger,” Bi Women Quarterly (2019)
2020s
“I could have sex with any person of any gender in my dreams at night.”
— Laura-Marie River Victor Peace, “I Have This Body for a Reason: Truly Diverse Well-Being for an And/Both/All World,” Bi Women Quarterly (2020)
“I pick my communities, my friends, and my crushes by who they are at the core, not by their sexual orientation, and not by their gender identity.”
— Nancy Marcus, “Zooming Between Communities in the Quarantine World,” Bi Women Quarterly (2020)
“Being bisexual — which I define, for myself, as being attracted to people regardless of gender…”
— Melissa A. Fabello, PhD, “The Joys of Queering Your Relationships,” Medium (2020)
“As a non-binary trans person married to another non-binary trans person, loudly naming myself as bi feels important to counteract the biphobic, transphobic beliefs that ‘bi means two’ and only cis men and women who date cis men and women are really bisexual (and inherently transphobic). Bisexuals have *always been here* disrupting binaries and being hot all over the damn place!”
— Adrian, “How Did We Get Here? 6 Bi People on Coming to Their Identity for Bi+ Week 2020,” Autostraddle (2020)
“When I say I’m bisexual, I mean I’m someone who is attracted to all genders, inherently, by nature, not as something I can put on or take off.”
— Nicole Hall, “How Did We Get Here? 6 Bi People on Coming to Their Identity for Bi+ Week 2020,” Autostraddle (2020)
“For some sources, the awareness that their sexuality was untethered from gender made it easier while exploring their own. For Fin, 26, in Wisconsin, their partner’s bisexuality helped them during their transition. ‘As a genderqueer person, I’d struggle to date anyone who felt like they could only date men or women,’ they said. ‘Having a bisexual partner was reassuring as I came out, started changing my presentation and went on HRT — I knew my gender wasn’t going to be a barrier for him.’
[…] Charity, 23, in New England, echoed similar sentiments. ‘Being with another bisexual person has made me appreciate the complexity of people’s gender (or lack of gender),’ they said. ‘It also made me appreciate myself as a whole person, and helped me realize that I’m trans, and I don’t have to cut parts of myself off because they don’t match others’ expectations.’
More than one couple referenced that a mutual awareness of each other’s bisexuality actually enabled them to play with gender together. ‘The fact that we shared a common sexual identity and understanding of gender, and talked about these things regularly, made the relationship a safe place for exploration,’ shared AJ, 24, Charity’s partner.”
— Lexi McMenamin, “Oh Cool, Me Too: What It’s Like for Bisexual People to Date Each Other,” Autostraddle (2020)
“While experiencing one’s chosen identity as personal and meaningful was not unique to the bisexual women in our sample, bisexual women often described an added layer of psychological distress upon learning that others define bisexuality in ways that reinforce a traditional gender binary, which contradicts their own definitions and lived experiences of bisexuality.”
— Allison E. Cipriano, Daniel Nguyen & Kathryn J. Holland, “‘Bisexuality Isn’t Exclusionary’: A Qualitative Examination of Bisexual Definitions and Gender Inclusivity Concerns among Plurisexual Women” (2022)
Unknown Dates
“A bisexual woman, for example, may have sex with, date or marry another woman, a man or someone who is non-binary. […] If you think you might be bisexual, try asking yourself these questions: …Can I picture myself dating, having sex with, or being married to any gender/sex?”
— “I Think I Might Be Bisexual,” Advocates for Youth
“Although it’s true that people have all kinds of different attractions to different kinds of people, assuming that all bisexuals are never attracted to trans or genderqueer folk is harmful, not only to bi individuals, but to trans and genderqueer individuals who choose to label themselves as bi.”
— “Labels,” Bisexual Resource Center
“My own understanding of bisexuality has changed dramatically over the years. I used to define bisexuality as ‘the potential to be attracted to people regardless of their gender.’ […] Alberto is attracted to the poles, to super-masculine guys and super-feminine girls. Others are attracted to masculinity and/or femininity, regardless of a person’s sex. Some of us who identify as bisexual are in fact ‘gender-blind.’ For others — in fact for me — it’s androgyny or the blending of genders that compels.”
— “What Is Bisxeuality?”, Bisexual Resource Center
“… bisexual people are those for whom gender is not the first criteria in determining attraction.”
— Illinois Department of Public Health, “Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Youth Suicide”
“Bisexuality is sexual/romantic attraction to people regardless of sex or gender.”
— “Bisexual FAQ,” Kvartir
“Please also note that attraction to both same and different means attraction to all. Bisexuality is inherently inclusive of everyone, regardless of sex or gender.
In everyday language, depending on the speaker’s culture, background, and politics, that translates into a variety of everyday definitions such as:
Attraction to men and women
Attraction to all sexes or genders
Attraction to same and other genders
Love beyond gender
Attraction regardless of sex or gender”
— American Institute of Bisexuality, “What Is Bisexuality?,” Bi.org
“This idea [that bisexuality reinforces a false gender binary] has its roots in the anti-science, anti-Enlightenment philosophy that has ironically found a home within many Queer Studies departments at universities across the Anglophone world. […] Bisexuality is an orientation for which sex and gender are not a boundary to attraction… Over time, our society’s concept of human sex and gender may well change. For bis, people for whom sex/gender is already not a boundary, any such change would have little effect.”
— American Institute of Bisexuality, “Questions,” Bi.org
Needless to say, the people who decided that bisexuality means “two genders” or “cisgender people” were not the ones doing bisexual activism for the last five decades.
Gender-expansive (or -fluid, or -blind) descriptions of bisexuality are nothing new. Arguably, the concept of excluding genders hadn’t even crossed the mind of many twentieth-century bisexuals — not just because “nonbinary genders hadn’t entered the mainstream,” but simply because many bisexuals understand bisexuality itself as “beyond” gender. Even if bisexuality didn’t have such an extensive history of including attraction to all genders, why wouldn’t we be able to claim that definition today? Go to any bisexual organization and they’ll tell you bisexuality is broad and can include anyone.
Of course, the above quotes do not reflect the beliefs of every bisexual. I’m only pointing out that the “both genders” descriptions are similarly not the only ones that exist. “Both genders” doesn’t purposefully keep people out, either — it just assumes there are only two groups. However, gender not being a make-or-break doesn’t depend on how many genders there are.⁷ Unless a bisexual outright denies the existence of nonbinary people after they’re made aware of them, it’s unrealistic to assume they’d exclude nonbinary people from their dating pool.
Not to mention, all sexualities automatically include some nonbinary people — “nonbinary” isn’t merely a third gender. The mere notion that someone could just “not be attracted” to any nonbinary people completely misunderstands nonbinary identity.
I find it incredibly odd that people now task bisexuals with proving our inclusivity considering that, for decades, we never had to. We had always (i.e., consistently throughout history, not as in every bisexual) been warping gender norms, but it was never to debunk a myth or make ourselves look good; it was just how we were. That hasn’t changed.
One of the predominant stereotypes is still that we’re indiscriminate sluts willing to sleep with anyone, but somehow there’s a new wave of folks insisting that we require our partners to obey the gender binary. I don’t this conclusion is based on reality. Almost all attempts to redefine bisexuality as binary come from people who don’t identify as bisexual.
Imagine if we performed this revisionism with the word “gay.” For this example, I’ll use “gay” to describe gay men in particular.
“Gay” only means exclusive attraction to men, so the people who use that word only like cisgender men. I’m androsexual, which means I like cisgender, transgender, and nonbinary men.
Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? So why do we only apply this rhetoric to bisexuals? Why do people allow transphobic bisexuals to erase the attitudes of all the bisexuals before and after them? (It couldn’t possibly be because of biphobia, could it?)
While it’s unrealistic to say that no bisexual person has ever been transphobic, bisexual orientation is not, and never has been, about exclusion. Acting like it’s uniquely binary or limited is plainly false and biphobic. Please stop speaking over us, acting like we’re wrong about our own identity, and erasing our history. It, like our community itself, is bountiful, beautiful, and never going away.
Here are two final quotes that, while a bit unrelated, I adore:
“J: Are we ever going to be able to define what bisexuality is?
S: Never completely. That’s just it — the variety of lifestyles that we see between us defies definition.”
— “Conversations,” Bi Women: The Newsletter of the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network (1984)
“I understand bisexuality not as a mixture of homosexuality and heterosexuality as Kinsey did, nor as a particular sexuality on an equal footing with homosexuality and heterosexuality, but as a holistic view of human sexuality, in which all aspects related to human sexuality are taken into account.”
— Miguel Obradors-Campos, “Deconstructing Biphobia” (2011)
Notes
- Keep in mind that, contrary to how many people seem to interpret this definition, “regardless” doesn’t always mean “I don’t see gender.” It’s simply another way of saying “someone’s gender doesn’t stop me from finding someone attractive.” One can define themselves in terms of “regardless” and still have a gender preference.
- I include these quotes simply to show that self-identified bisexuals dating transgender people is nothing new — for some reason, people still argue about this. I do not condone separating transgender people from men and women as gender categories.
- In this book, the term “gender minority” seems to refer to intersex people.
- I link to the 2015 edition, but this essay also appears in the original 1991 publication.
- BiCon has also held transgender workshops from as early as 2001. We see another instance in 2003. Workshop information doesn’t seem to be present on their current website, though.
- Some quotes from this book likely appeared in the original publication from 2005, but I pulled them from my physical copy of the second edition.
- If one insists that lacking language for nonbinary identities means that bisexuals somehow “only attracted to the gender binary,” then nobody can truly claim active and conscious attraction to “all genders” because we can just keep coming up with new identities. I highly doubt anyone could name all the currently coined ones as it is. Functionally, “attraction to all genders” just means “attraction without regard to what someone’s specific identity is.”
