Use Whatever Pronouns You Want
The working title for this essay was “Gender Neutral Pronouns Aren’t New, Get Over It, You Fucking Cowards.” Alas, I am bound by the chains of benevolent queerness, so instead, let’s go over what pronouns are, the history of the singular “they,” and some not-so-new neopronouns.
What are pronouns?
Simply put: pronouns function by replacing a noun or noun phrase.
Let’s see pronouns in action!
- Tobi went to the store to pick up Tobi’s medication.
That feels a little redundant, huh?
- Tobi went to the store to pick up his medication.
Here, we used a possessive pronoun, “his” to replace “Tobi’s.” We could take it a step further.
- He went to the store to pick up his medication.
Now we substituted “Tobi” with “he,” a subject pronoun. There are also object pronouns, like “him,” and reflexive pronouns, like “himself.”
I’m sure grammar enthusiasts would love me to fill you in on much more. For the purpose of this essay, know that pronouns are tools of communication. We use these tools to refer to ourselves and others in sentences.
Are pronouns gendered?
Yes and no.
Words themselves are incapable of having gender.
However, society does impose gendered signifiers on certain words. This is why men traditionally use he/him/his and women traditionally use she/her/hers. We culturally associate certain genders with certain pronoun sets. This is why transgender people can experience social dysphoria when the wrong set of pronouns are used for them. This is also why some people opt to use they/them or other gender-neutral pronoun sets. After all, if your gender falls outside the traditional binary, then “he” and “she” may not correctly fit.
To be clear, “she” is not relegated to women, “he” is not relegated to men, and “they” is not relegated to non-binary folks. There is a long, queer history of people subverting gendered norms, including drag ballrooms, female masculinity, genderfuckery, and beyond.
If one is to advocate for self-autonomy, then it is up to the individual to determine what pronouns suit them best. It cannot be up to others to determine the person’s pronouns based on the person’s perceived gender.
They, Then and Now
There is a current rise in recognizing the singular they/them.
But did you know that the singular “they” dates back to the 1300s? The oldest recorded use of the singular “they” in print can be found in the medieval romance William and the Werewolf, published in 1375. We must remember that archival work doesn’t include every text, everyday speech, nor all oral histories. Therefore while the singular “they” can be traced as far back as William and the Werewolf, we cannot be certain if this is its first use.
Centuries later, the singular “they” continues to be part of our speech. In fact, we often use the singular “they” without realizing it, when we reference others we’re unsure how to gender. People taking umbrage with the singular “they” also isn’t new. Whether it’s some 18th-century grammarians or the Chicago Manual of Style, the singular “they” has persisted despite attempts to push back.
The pushback comes from those with a prescriptive approach to grammar. In other words, they wish to determine how a language ought to be used. The descriptive approach focuses on describing language as how the language is being used. Descriptive grammar recognizes the evolution of language. Because even if they/them didn’t have this history? It would still be fine for people to claim the pronoun set.
Beyond he, she, and they
The singular they may not be new, and neither are pronouns breaking outside of the standard “he,” “she,” and “they.” Exploring new pronoun sets isn’t regulated to the past. People have been not only reclaiming forgotten pronouns but also coining their own.
- Charles Crozat Converse coined “thon” in 1858 as a shortened form of “that one.”
- The first recording of “e, es, em” dates back to an 1890 publication by James Rogers.
- David Lindsay uses “ae, aer” in his novel, A Voyage to Arcturus, published in 1920.
- In the May 1973 issue of Unitarian Universalist, Don Rickter coined “xe, xem, xyr.”
- In 1983 Michael Spivak used “E, Em, and Eir” in his AMS-TeX manual, The Joy of TeX.
- Variations of “ze, zir” have independently existed, including in Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook (1998).
- Since its coinage in 2013 by Ez, “fae, faer” has become popular among those who use nounself pronoun sets.
As we move toward a more gender-expansive future, which pronoun sets will join mainstream usage? To say it’s impossible is to ignore the malleability of language. Have we always used “vaping” or “computer?” We haven’t, because language is created.
All terms, including pronouns, are tools of communication, and as we recognize the need for pronouns beyond the binary, we’ll pick up the necessary tools.
