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I Have Forgiven Myself for My Pre-Diagnosis Recklessness
Anything I did before my BPD diagnosis is none of my business, I have wiped the slate clean
I would like to start this off by saying, as far as I or anyone else is aware, I haven’t done anything too serious. There are no dead in my wardrobe. I don’t undress at night into my true snake-like form. Throughout my life, I have been a decent human being. All that lies in my pre-diagnosis wake is mostly confusion from past partners.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a type of personality disorder. It is a very broad diagnosis but is characterised by; unstable relationships with other people, unstable emotions and unstable sense of self. It mostly affects women, and around 10% of patients commit suicide.
My emotions would undergo rapid changes that I found difficult to control which is why sometimes I would have an outburst. I would push people away to test their love for me and when they left I would be heartbroken and want them back. I found out that my tendency for self-destruction was due to in part to the disorder and that I was using people to patch up the scars from my childhood. I finally understood why I could always be so completely enthralled in another person and a few months later not even remember their name. Now I know the…
