Am I a “Person of Color”?
It’s not all Black and White.
My skin is white. My ethnicity is mixed. I “pass.” I benefit from white privilege. I am an ally. But don’t call me white. Because I’m not. Not really.
It’s something I’ve dealt with all my life: people assuming, quite understandably, given my appearance and that I grew up in a white-dominated society, that I’m as white as the majority. Even though half of my family is brown.
I don’t blame people for looking at me and making assumptions — we all do it — and how is anyone to know my specific heritage unless I tell them?
But I have to wonder, what do we really mean by “white people”? Having pale skin? Simply not being Black? Or specifically being (at least predominantly) European-descended?
And what does “person of color” mean, then, if it includes more than just “Black” people alone? Anyone with a certain level of melanin in their skin? (Who decides how much is enough?) Or anyone who is not completely the product of these Eurocentric/ colonizer cultures?
Basically, what I’m trying to say is — are there only two options? And perhaps more importantly, who proposed these options?
Shades of gray
What about those who don’t necessarily ethnically identify as “white” but their skin tells another story?
What about Turks? Bosnians? Bulgarians? Ashkenazi jews?
What about the Lur people of northern Iran or the Kalash people of northern Pakistan?
Or simply “white-passing” mixed-race people?
Are these people white..? Ethnically, racially, culturally? Because of their skin tone and hair color? Because an American said so?
Are westerners the guilty ones for attempting to put all those who aren’t the archetypical Karen or Kevin into a box? In a misguided attempt to be more “woke,” and yet only separating “white people” out from the crowd — as though this one ethnic group deserves a whole distinct category — while lumping together every other ethnicity (and combination of ethnicities) on this earth? (And then freaking out upon encountering an “Ibrahim” or “Khadijah” with auburn hair, green eyes, and a complexion as white as their own?)
“Of color.”
As though “white” is the default, and everything else has been marked as different somehow. “Colored.” Stained. Tainted? Grouping together native Pacific Islanders with Hispanic people with Ethiopians with Indians with the Chinese, with someone with one Black grandparent meaning they look “mixed”.
Does this make any sort of sense to anyone?
What if that alleged stamp of color doesn’t show up so clearly on your own skin? Does it erase the rich culture — so far away from “white culture” — that you are so proud is a part of you? Are you still “white” simply because of how you appear to others? Did you decide that, or did they?
Triggered. (x3)
So when I uncharacteristically flipped out at someone shutting down my opinion on a race-related issue at work (an issue affecting my own ethnic group, I might add) with the phrase “you’re not a person of color so you can’t have an opinion on that,” my unexpected rage, looking back, had several layers to it:
- Anyone can have an opinion of anything (hear me out…)— so even if someone is as white as they come, they should be “allowed” — and even encouraged — to discuss racism. Of course, ensuring that they are accepting of their privilege, and open to learning from others’ experiences.
- You can’t just assume someone is ethnically “white” or immune to ethnicity or migration-related issues just because they have a pale complexion. There are countless ethnicities that these same people would be quick to throw into the “of color” box on paper — but then they see your face and acknowledge the privilege which you — admittedly — may well have as a nonsensical result of this lack of melanin, and completely ignore the actual racial background or heritage that you may have. “Okay white girl.” Urgh.
- We have essentially gone full circle — from the ignorant “race” categories of the colonial era, to finally acknowledging the nuance and overlap when it comes to ethnicity — to now reverting back to those superficial and culturally-ignorant categories, regardless of the individual’s actual ethnic identity that often goes far beyond “Black” or “White.” (Although I completely understand the importance of the “Black” label in order to build a very necessary movement in a society that continues to ignore these nuances.)
Not just skin deep
I have never really thought of myself as “white” — but then, I don’t feel I truly have the right to claim that I am not, looking the way I do, and since others see me as such.
Wouldn’t denying my “whiteness” be like denying I have privilege? Or would not correcting them be denying my true heritage? Because I’ve been accused of both of these.
Of course, I have never experienced racism as a result of the way I look. This privilege, I wholeheartedly recognize and acknowledge. And I don’t wish to appear I am complaining about my lot, or turning the conversation away from the very real racism that more obvious “people of color” experience on a daily basis.
And so, caught up in this moral conundrum, like a true millennial trooper I took to the internet to see if others had expressed similar experiences — and to see what they thought was the acceptable way to handle these interactions.
I found this article, which, in recounting the experiences of a few similarly “white-passing” and yet mixed ethnicity or at least not as European as their features suggest.
Their hesitancy to speak up about the awkward assumptions, confusion, and even misplaced admiration they received really resonated with me — because, in many ways, it really is a privilege within a privilege to be between two worlds in this way.
To have at least somewhat of a “POC perspective” and yet be able to blend into any white-dominated crowd. To be a welcome contribution to a diversity quota, and yet feeling like this shouldn’t be allowed. To be assimilated into a “non-white” culture, and yet be problematically idolized for your white features…
Yeah, it can feel uncomfortable.
Some final thoughts
Am I white? What does that even mean anymore?
It seems that just a result of the genetic lottery, making my features seem that bit more European than my siblings, I am “white” — even though they are not, apparently. Even though they have the same two parents, heritage, and cultural upbringing.
How does that work? Have we really ended up back where we started when it comes to making all these assumptions about someone based on their physical features alone? Who “passes” and who doesn’t?
If being “white” is no more than a social construct, then I guess I am white. Due to my looks and the Western society I live in. But we are all much more than these labels society tells us we must live by. And one day, I truly hope we no-longer even feel a need to use them.
