8 Things I Wish You Would Stop Doing to Black Womxn
Daily as a Black woman, I wake up incredibly grateful for all that comes with being one and I wake up equally exhausted
Watching Meg Thee Stallion’s performance on Saturday Night Live recently and her usage of Malcolm X’s words sticks with me daily:
“ The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman.
The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman.
The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”
Daily as a Black woman, I wake up incredibly grateful for all that comes with being one. And daily, I wake up equally exhausted for all that comes with being one. Sharing 8 things I wish everyone around me would stop doing, to myself and fellow Black womxn. This is not an exhaustive list but honestly, these days I’m too exhausted to share more:
1. Stop policing our tone, language, and opinions.
Saying things like: “ Well, if you just said it like this…” or “ It feels like your tone is too aggressive and will push people away..”, it’s tone policing and it needs to stop.
2. Stop asking us to do free labor.
We don’t need free publicity, access to your email list, or a tagged IG post in exchange for the labor and burden we take on when we do work. When you show up to do work, you expect to get paid, right? It should be the same for us.
3. Stop treating us as a monolith.
We are not all the same. We do not speak for every other Black womxn. We do not all have the same story. We do not all have the same ancestors. We are not all the same.
4. Stop not taking our word the first time we say it.
We do not need to prove to you that racism exists. I don’t need to give you a PowerPoint presentation with supporting evidence, 3 references, and video evidence to prove that my words are real, that my experience is real How would you feel if you took the time to share your very raw, personal story and the only thing you received in return are questions on if it’s credible?
5. Stop recommending white women who can “educate” us on our own stories.
I’ll keep this one brief: Where do you think they get the stories that they then turn around and educate others about in the first place?
6. Stop creating space for us that actually doesn’t center us.
Giving us a place at the table, a promotion, a position, an “opportunity” to lead DEI or Anti-Racism work (yes, or because there is a difference) and then telling us how to show up in the space, how to lead the space, or taking up space with your own narratives and objectives leads to space you “ created for us” not being for us.
7. Stop telling us how to do self-care and protect our own space.
t always baffles me when I hear from others telling me exactly how I should take care of myself, protect my time, and my space. Ironically enough, many of the same folks who are so prescriptive are also guilty of then turning around and asking for my time and space. Be mindful of telling people exactly what they need. Social media gives you a 1% view of my space.
8. Stop positioning us against one another.
It is really messy and unfortunate to see comments that try to cause division amongst Black womxn. Even if I disagree, I’m not going to engage in messy. public slandering that puts us against one another. Please stop trying to bait us into doing so.
Could many of these same 8 apply to all womxn? Yes, absolutely. But as a Black woman, the disproportionate amount of times I am fighting for these 8 daily is exponentially higher and normal in an unacceptable way.
*Womxn in this context has been used to show, “ Inclusion of trans, nonbinary, womxn of color, womxn with disabilities and all other marginalized genders.”
